Thursday, June 17, 2010

ZOMG!

Holy shit! Have you guys heard that the new Xbox 360 Kinect is on sale NOW?!

Seriously. You can go right to your nearest Walmart and buy one. Motion control, a new menu system, new games.

Did you see that menu? All your games and programs lined up in convenient little squares. No more flipping through screens. You just wave your hand and select whichever program you want to run.

And the whole thing only costs like $199.

Now, you're probably wondering why you haven't heard this anywhere else. Everyone else is saying that it comes out in November, right?

Not right.

I happen to know the secret password you have to say to get one of these fabulous devices.

And because you're good people, I'm going to share it with you.

If anyone else is in the room, just shut off your monitor and tell them you're looking at hardcore pornography until they leave.

They gone?

Okay, here's what you have to say:

"Excuse me. I'd like to buy a Wii please."

I've heard this always works for the new Playstation Move.

Then you just pay your money and head on home. Hook that baby up and you'll be the envy of everyone else on your block.

Assuming you live on the one block in the world where everyone doesn't already own a Wii.

I mean, do these companies seriously think we're this retarded?

Yes. Yes, they do.

This is just a blatant, bullshit attempt to copy the Wii. They're not even being subtle about it. They might as well have just bought a bunch of Wiis and put stickers over the name.

Their first big games are Kinect Sports and Kinect Bowling.

They're condescending. They are assuming we are so literally retarded that we will buy absolutely anything if they slap a shiny new name on it.

But we're not that retarded are we?

Yes. Yes, we are.

We are going to line up for days to buy that thing. People are going to miss mortgage payments just to get it.

Because we are retarded.

This isn't even subtle. They're kicking us in the face while laughing at us and we're paying good damned money for it.

AND they're acting like this is creative and original in the process.

I'd pay good money if they just admitted it.

Tell us they're screwing us. Just out and say it already.

Microsoft: We're don't make the Wii, but we like money, so yeah, here's a Wii dammit.

That's all I want. Just cut the shit and tell us the truth for once. Don't try and feed us a line about how you're the future of gaming.

You're the past.

Literally.

You actually made fun of this same idea in the past.

And now, you are that idea.

Dammit, some days I feel like I'm the only sane person left on the planet.

That's a scary thought.

21 Comments:

At 10:02 PM, Blogger Kittahsmash said...

I'm sorry, but no. The PS3 is the one that's most like the Wii out of the two new 'systems' coming out. The PS3 tracks a controller-like device, as does the Wii, while the 360's thing tracks actual movement and objects/people around you. If you had to hold something, or strap something to your hands/arms/legs/feet, then I would say it's like the Wii, but it's not.
Also, it's not like the Wii was the first system designed to actually track objects through space and allow you to interact with things on the screen via a hand-held device, that designation belongs to the PC, the precursor to which is the mouse.

I'm not a 360 fanboy, nor am I a PS3 fanboy. I <3 my PC. I own all 4 of the systems mentioned in my comment, but I'm no fanboy of any, though most of my time is spent on the PC :P

In conclusion, saying that the Xbox whatsitcalled is like the Wii, is akin to saying FFXI is exactly like Wow, and FFXIV is like FFXI!

 
At 10:21 PM, Blogger Ryan said...

Yeah Microsoft and Sony laughed at the Wii but..

what's this?...

the wii made how much money??

Well damn! We sure do like money!

Let's sync this low and copy another system just because we can make it a notch better and just as expensive!

We don't pay for your games just so you can get the idea to copy another system, we pay for your games so we can fund your research on bringing us better games and new ideas, not an existing one D:

Dave,

I never knew about that password code until I tried it at a swap shop and they offered an Eye Toy..

I wonder where else I can use this passcode..

 
At 11:42 PM, Blogger Ordinaryguy said...

All the new motion controls are just Microsoft and Sony's attempts to get casual gamers to buy their system. Except Sony was trying to say that it's fine for hardcore gamers too, which I think is hilarious because I would never ever buy a motion device when every game works fine on my controller.

Although I must say, playing Metal Gear Solid: Rising with a Playstation Move would be pretty sweet. Except that still wouldn't make me go out and actually pay for one.

 
At 12:15 AM, Blogger Bufuman said...

As someone who already owns a Wii and was stupid enough to buy his Xbox 360 used (which naturally ran like shit as a result), this Kinect intrigues me and will very likely be purchased.

 
At 3:25 AM, Blogger Beniki said...

Hahahahaha! It's been a while since I actually laughed out loud at an internet post! Thanks! I can use this again without referring to a cat.

LOL!

 
At 3:40 AM, Blogger Salt said...

Ordinaryguy is more or less right, MS and Sony are both just cashing on this "fad" - for the potential money it could bring in.

I don't see the appeal of motion control for most games to be honest - apart from gimmick games like DDR and Guitar Hero, where the gimmick is part of the appeal.

Why wave and jump around like an lunatic when you can just press a button?
If you need analog control just use a mouse, trackball or in the worst case an analog stick.
And all of the above works without lag, and have a very low probability of "misfiring".

 
At 6:08 AM, Blogger Cidolfas said...

Is MS cashing in on the Wii? Yes. Is Kinect the exact same as the Wii? No, as Kittahsmash already mentioned. Kinect apparently tracks your movement using motion capture, not using any peripheral device. It's different enough to be stand out.

And anyway, video game companies always have a history of copying each other... most of the time from Nintendo. Nintendo came out with the first game controller that looked like one; the first analog stick; the first viable portable gaming platform; etc. The question is whether the copies can be done well or even better (PSX controller) or worse (Game Gear).

 
At 8:34 AM, Blogger Sword said...

People have been saying this since Sony and Microsoft first announced it several years back. In any case the only thing new about it, is that it's new to "their" respective system. Infared technology has been around for years.

Arcade games broke ground on most technology used in video games way back in the 80's (3D, Infared, Light Gun, Hologram.) Likewise to ensue an Arcade like experience from home companies like Nintendo crafted things like the "Light Zapper Gun" for the NES to fit their console.

So in retrospect, if an idea is popular enough, they will use it in order to make money. All console companies are guilty of this, in one way or another.

However, this goes a little far even for them. It makes me wonder, do they twist the thoughts and lie to themselves in their head till what they want becomes reality to themselves? This brazen kind of thinking is what caused so many problems when Sony and MS released their systems.

You would think after the money they lost releasing, creating, and constantly repairing systems they would be more careful. Ahh, but I digress, games is a give and take process. No company has gone completely unscathed creating new systems.

Sega had its 32X, Nintendo had its Virtual Boy, maybe the same will be said (and probably will be somewhere down the line) for Microsoft and Sony.

 
At 2:31 PM, Blogger Donny Walnuts said...

I'd probably buy one of these, at least the new xbox 360 will still be able to use the original controller, unlike the wii which uses teh suck controller at all times.

BLAH!

just my $.02

 
At 5:34 AM, Blogger Tyler said...

Now I don't own a 360, and I do own a PS3. And despite a light powdering of PS3 fanboyism I show here and there, I'm definitely not afraid to say that at least Microsoft is trying a different approach to the motion control gimmick. I mean look at Sony: you have a long rectangular piece to hold in your right hand that's used as the main remote, and you have a teardrop-shaped piece to hold in your left hand that's used as the secondary remote.

But whatever. Everyone in the world seems to know that you'd be better off just buying a Wii because that console's already got a bunch of games and peripherals to go along with the gimmick.

And let's be honest, no game is going to feel like "virtual reality" unless the game gives you motion feedback.

 
At 7:41 AM, Blogger Master said...

I heard Wii pwned at the latest E3.

 
At 2:20 PM, Blogger Mil'bereth said...

No... "we" are not buying it or paying money for it... Because if "we" are reading "you" chances are "we" are not the douchebag/elitist/drug addict morons that make up the 95% demographic that XBOX is targeted at.

Or because we have already played with our wiis till we went blind.

 
At 8:11 PM, Blogger Melfeth said...

No offense, but you should've done a little more research on the nifty new things for the consoles.

Microsoft's kinect isn't just a repackaged Eye-Toy. It actually tracks movements properly. Facial recognition, voice recognition, you name it. Pick up any object, have it scanned in and use it as a controller.

As for Sony's "Move." Well, it basically is the same as the Wii-mote. If you look past all the nifty improvements, and the awesome graphox the PS3 delivers. Can the Wii-mote track where you are in the room with the help of shiny bulbs on the tip of the controller? Does the Wii-mote make it look like you're at some random rave party in your living room?

Anycase, if there's something I'd use my money on, it'd be Kinect. Or the Playstation Move if there's a Star Wars title coming out with it.

 
At 1:15 AM, Blogger Salt said...

LOL, everyone is taking a shot at it.

http://www.vgcats.com/comics/?strip_id=296

 
At 3:35 PM, Blogger Vixi said...

Wow... look at the fanboys / girls rave =/

Nice post =3 It made me smile-!

 
At 3:42 PM, Blogger Eisenherz said...

Thank you good sir, thank you for sharing the same POV on this! Unfortunately, my fiance' and I don't have a Wii (our siblings do, but they're greedy selfish bastards who don't share and get the discs all scratched up and unplayable...), so we'll probably be waiting for a year after this thing comes out. That way, all of the bugs that seem so typical of XBox hardware for a while will hopefully be fixed, and the price just might go down a bit. Or we can just get a Wii since the price will possibly be even lower. Actually...I think I just found something new for a wedding present! Again, thank you! Not only do we share the same thoughts on this Kinect thing, but you inspired an idea WAY better than a toaster.

 
At 4:02 PM, Blogger MakaiOokami said...

here's the deal guys. If you want to exercise with dance games, and have full body tracking, get a Kinect. If you are poor, get a Wii, if you have a decent amount of money and want hardcore games, with the best of the 3 motion technologies, to where you can actually competitively play online against other people with an interface different than 2 analog sticks, and have a more PC and mouse like experience... Then get the Move.

It's really not that complicated. That's literally what the decision boils down to.

Kinect = Aerobic exercise instructor.

Wii = Shovelware kiddy experience with a few hardcore titles just to say they have them but it's hard to get precise motions.

Move = the best use of the technology for a wide range of tastes. So if you're not good with a controller, and don't want to buy a mouse peripheral for the PS3, Move might just be your way to feel comfortable in those games. Games like Heavy Rain are perfect for Move, games like RE 5 will be patched, etc...

Sony is always the one that has the most to offer for every demographic. They always have, they always will.

Don't get a Wii. Seriously if you haven't by now, WTF would you get one at this point? I know GM Dave is just trying to be cute and everything, bashing the stuff, but Kinect is good for body tracking FOR EXERCISE AND DANCING ONLY, and the PS3, lacks in that area, but does a lot of things immesurably better.

 
At 7:18 PM, Blogger Random Neko said...

Working at Walmart to pay for my gaming habits trough college.

I sell what amounts to several thousand dollers worth of kinect garbage daily. and thats just me. I could possibly get a count of how many units our department sells per day and it would honestly be staggering.

I think at least the kinect is here to stay for better or for worse.

 
At 6:06 PM, Blogger youdi chen said...

May God help all that are following him to take their eyes off of man and focus on the Lord. The bible clearly says in Acts 1:7-“It is not for you to know the times or dates the Father has set by his own authority."
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