ZOMG!Holy shit! Have you guys heard that the new Xbox 360 Kinect is on sale NOW?!
Seriously. You can go right to your nearest Walmart and buy one. Motion control, a new menu system, new games.
Did you see that menu? All your games and programs lined up in convenient little squares. No more flipping through screens. You just wave your hand and select whichever program you want to run.
And the whole thing only costs like $199.
Now, you're probably wondering why you haven't heard this anywhere else. Everyone else is saying that it comes out in November, right?
I happen to know the secret password you have to say to get one of these fabulous devices.
And because you're good people, I'm going to share it with you.
If anyone else is in the room, just shut off your monitor and tell them you're looking at hardcore pornography until they leave.
Okay, here's what you have to say:
"Excuse me. I'd like to buy a Wii please."
I've heard this always works for the new Playstation Move.
Then you just pay your money and head on home. Hook that baby up and you'll be the envy of everyone else on your block.
Assuming you live on the one block in the world where everyone doesn't already own a Wii.
I mean, do these companies seriously think we're this retarded?
Yes. Yes, they do.
This is just a blatant, bullshit attempt to copy the Wii. They're not even being subtle about it. They might as well have just bought a bunch of Wiis and put stickers over the name.
Their first big games are Kinect Sports and Kinect Bowling.
They're condescending. They are assuming we are so literally retarded that we will buy absolutely anything if they slap a shiny new name on it.
But we're not that retarded are we?
Yes. Yes, we are.
We are going to line up for days to buy that thing. People are going to miss mortgage payments just to get it.
Because we are retarded.
This isn't even subtle. They're kicking us in the face while laughing at us and we're paying good damned money for it.
AND they're acting like this is creative and original in the process.
I'd pay good money if they just admitted it.
Tell us they're screwing us. Just out and say it already.
Microsoft: We're don't make the Wii, but we like money, so yeah, here's a Wii dammit.
That's all I want. Just cut the shit and tell us the truth for once. Don't try and feed us a line about how you're the future of gaming.
You're the past.
You actually made fun of this same idea in the past.
And now, you are that idea.
Dammit, some days I feel like I'm the only sane person left on the planet.
That's a scary thought.